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Therapy for Women Who Work Hard to Please Everyone but Themselves

As if it’s not enough our kids are miseducated about the fourth Thursday of November, these church “leaders” used it to miseducate them about their thoughts and feelings— with the parents in their amen corner. You can’t possibly know what (or who) to be thankful for— you’re just a child, and a child stays in a child’s place, which means they don’t say truths aloud if those truths upset the adults around them. This is how people-pleasing and disregard for self are nurtured into the relational habits they become. Some people will call it good, righteous, old-school parenting, but let’s go on and call it what it is— sanctioned ABUSE. #spiritualabuse #thanksgiving #emotionalabuse #psychologicalabuse #gaslighting #churchhurt #emotionalintelligence #dallas #texas #texastherapist #therapyforblackgirls #therapistsofinstagram Video credit: https://youtube.com/@realitycheckcashed?si=HbCbFk3MOEpJZfnD

Dr. Gabor Maté says that authenticity is essential. How do we become authentic? How do we remain authentic? How authentic are you currently being? In his book, The Myth of Normal, Dr. Maté offers an exercise from his Compassionate Inquiry method and suggests that we sit with it weekly. Ask yourself the following questions without judging yourself over the answers: 1. Where did I not say no when a no wanted to be said? 2. What was the impact on me of not saying no? 3. What were the beliefs behind my inability to say no? 4. Where did I develop those beliefs? 5. Who would I be without those beliefs– if I didn’t believe them? 6. Where am I not saying yes because I’m too busy not saying no? Note any physical or emotional problems you may have experienced (question 2). Are you afraid of being seen as selfish, losing others’ love, or letting them down (question 3)? Dr. Maté suggests reflecting on the adaptations your childhood environment may have required of you (question 4) and considering who you might become if you no longer needed them to survive (question 5). Finally, an overlooked benefit of saying NO appropriately is that it frees capacity for saying YES to our authentic desires and passions (question 6). According to Dr. Maté, saying no to what your heart and soul want is just as toxic as saying yes to what they don’t. #peoplepleasing #selfsabotage #mindfulness #traumarecovery #gabormaté #compassionateinquiry #selflove #therapistsofinstagram #therapyforblackgirls #blacktherapist #louisianatherapist #texastherapist #washingtontherapist #emotionalabuse #psychologicalabuse #emotionalmanipulation #emotionalintelligence

Only thing that’s saving them is the heart of a people-pleaser. Question is, what will save you? Answer, you’ll have to choose yourself! And I know you may not believe me because you’ve been taught otherwise, but it’s okay, and sometimes necessary, to choose yourself over others. I can help you refocus— let’s chat! Schedule a free consultation, and check out our upcoming therapeutic process group, Liberated Love, created specifically to help free you from the weight of others’ expectations! Tell me in the comments what you imagined checking off of your to-do list, and I’d love for you to circle back and let us know when it’s done! ✅ #emotionalabuse #gaslighting #manipulation #emotionalmanipulation #overwhelmed #toxicpeople #toxicrelationships #toxicmarriage #toxicrelationshipsurvivor #narcissisticabuse #narcissisticmother #narcissisticfather #narcissisticparent #narcissisticrelationship #narcissisticmarriage #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissisticabuserecovery #psychologicalabuse #psychotherapy #onlinetherapy #virtualtherapy #louisianatherapist #texastherapist #washingtontherapist #blacktherapist #therapistsofinstagram #blackbusinessowner BTW, those are song lyrics I edited above— wanna give credit where credit is due 🤓

Well, that was fun, but I am clearly not a rapper. 🤣🤣🤣 I am a social worker in Louisiana. There have been some shifts in our continuing education requirements, and some of us are still letting them settle in. 🗓️ The current collection period is September 1, 2024 through August 31, 2025. 🙅🏾‍♀️ There is no swing month (for those of us who were used to the July-June collection period). 💻 No more than 10 of our required 20 hours can be virtual. The in-person requirement is back. 🧐 Three hours of ethics is required every two years. No change here — just a reminder! ——— 🥰 Ongoing thanks to one of the kindest people I know for gifting me with my Super Social Worker t-shirt! #socialwork #louisianasocialworker #continuingeducation #ethics #louisianatherapist #therapistsofinstagram

People-pleasing IS too much to manage. It is NOT your responsibility, but self-management is. You’re allowed to honor your capacity; your limits; your needs, preferences, and desires. They matter just as much as the next person’s do. I’m accepting new clients in the states of Louisiana, Texas, and Washington. Click the link in my bio to schedule a free consultation! #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #codependency #attachment #selfsabotage #strugglelove #anxiety #depression #overwhelm #highachievingwomen #relationaltherapy #therapyforblackgirls #therapistsofinstagram #blacktherapist

What if you learned to set boundaries without feeling guilty? How much space could you create in your life? And what would you do with that space? Who might you need to tell “no”? What can you allow other people to do for themselves? What will you do for yourself? Currently accepting new clients in the states of Louisiana, Texas, and Washington — let’s talk! #boundaries #boundarysetting #highachievingwomen #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #momguilt #codependency #therapistsofinstagram #therapyforblackwomen #relationaltherapy

“No”. One little word. Two little letters. But it can be SO hard to say, especially when people you love are “just trying to help”. Practice saying no in ways that feel comfortable for you — without apologies and without explanations. And when you can say it like you mean it, celebrate! Yay, you!! #peoplepleaser #peoplepleasing #codependency #no #therapistsofinstagram #relationaltherapy #attachmenttrauma #highachievingwomen #therapyforblackwomen #louisianatherapist #texastherapist #washingtontherapist

I won’t lie and say I’ll skip this song from now on, but it will now be a reminder of why I do the work that I do. Being the “main one trying” to be their everything while your partner is the “main one lying”, blaming, and threatening to leave is a classic example of the struggle love dynamic. Struggle love will keep you as the “main one crying”. I’d argue that’s a loss. Don’t snooze on the signs of toxicity and miss your own moments of peace and sanity. That’s just too important — even if nobody do body like they do! #StruggleLove #StruggleLoveDiaries #BlackLove #BlackLoveInquiry #RelationshipChoices #TherapistsofInstagram #PsychologicalAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #Codependency #Attachment #Toxic #TrustYourGut

I do agree that love is everything, but everything is not love. In fact, many things done in the name of love are not love– at least not healthy love. Jealousy and possessiveness are not love. Control is not love. Dependence is not love. Enabling is not love. Self-sacrifice is not always love. Loyalty is not always love. “Forgiveness” is not always love. Struggle is not always love. With these things in mind, The Chrysalis Center, LLC is conducting a research project, THE BLACK LOVE INQUIRY. This project holds several intentions aimed at better understanding the concept of struggle love: - to explore the narratives, conditioning, and expectations that blind Black women to their innate value, especially in the context of romantic relationships - to provide insight into how the devaluation of Black women and the normalization of dysfunctional relationship dynamics contributes to the development and maintenance of unhealthy relational patterns - to provide direction toward denormalizing dysfunction within Black love in order to stop the transmission, perpetuation, and internalization of the damaging messages that prevent Black women from living in their worth If you are an adult Black woman with experience navigating “struggle love”, “situationships”, “ride-or-die” expectations, or a similar dynamic, I invite you to support THE BLACK LOVE INQUIRY and its intentions by sharing your story with me. The link to our interest form is in the bio! *** If you are interested in exploring this concept from a slightly different angle, check out THE STRUGGLE LOVE DIARIES, which is a series of fictional narratives inspired by the author’s real-life experiences. This is an interactive storytelling experience where you, the readers, decide the outcomes! We are currently following 29-year-old Essie as she decides whether to walk by blind faith or lean on a sense of discernment with Marcus, potentially a man of her dreams. Part three drops tomorrow– you can catch up on our website (link also in bio)! Then, follow us here on Instagram so you’ll know when the poll opens, and you can vote on Essie’s next decision! #strugglelove #blacklove #therapistsofinstagram

I love that this topic is being discussed more widely! But where mental health awareness meets pop culture, it can get tricky to stay on the same page about the concepts we’re discussing. Struggle love is something bigger and more impactful than just a dissatisfying relationship. It is a slippery slope and potentially dangerous cycle in which we might find ourselves stuck, especially if nothing healthier was modeled for us during our formative years. So, the root causes and the factors that maintain it can run deep. What if the thing “you keep doing” is being considerate, compassionate, helpful, generous, or gracious? Those things could certainly get you into a struggle love dynamic, but they wouldn’t if you were doing them with the right people. Not everyone deserves what you, the common denominator, keep trying to offer them. #StruggleLove #StruggleLoveDiaries #BlackLove #RelationshipChoices #TherapistsofInstagram #PsychologicalAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #Codependency #Attachment #Toxic #TrustYourGut